


The Chinks In My Armor (And My Heart)

by ButterflyBlues



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Civil War Team Iron Man, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-01 00:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14508723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyBlues/pseuds/ButterflyBlues
Summary: Tony is left dying in Siberia, the cold his only company.Tony builds a new family, and tries to forget about his old one.ORTony pulls himself up from the aftermath of Civil War, and tries to build himself a new life.





	1. Chapter 1

The cold hung in the air, dense and heavy, _suffocating._ Tony’s breath seemed to crystallize with every ragged breath he took. Everything around him was white, cold, _unforgiving_ . He reached a hand up to touch the cold, and watched as shimmering, red droplets cascaded upon the ground. He was lying in a river made from blood. _Whose blood is it? Was it all his?_ The cold seemed to press closer, slithering through the chinks of his armor and into the cracks of his bones. Tony shivered, _Why was he on the ground?_ Broken, fragmented pieces of memory came back to him, each one slicing his head and tearing open his heart.

 _Steve._ The thought that used to send a flood of warm through him, now only sent cold needles plunging themselves in his skin. He couldn’t escape the cold. It was inside him, wrapped around him,  suffocating him, he couldn’t _breath_.

_The chitauri kept coming. Killing hundreds, no thousands of innocent people. He grabbed the missile with trembling hands (hidden by his armor) as he flew toward his death. He tried to call Pepper. She didn’t answer. In the end, nobody would answer, no one would ever be there for him. He flew into the portal, and let go. He tried to breathe, but there was no air left. Then with the portal closing, he fell, and Tony could only laugh._

Tony gasped for breath as the flashback ended. It seemed even colder than before in the dark room.

“JAR- FRIDAY, how are my vitals?” Tony asked, his voice raw and foreign, even to his own ears. Silence was his only response. FRIDAY was offline and JARVIS was dead, just like his team in Wanda’s vision. _Wanda’s vision._ Tony knew the flashback was coming and tried to fight it, but he could already see the _blood red_ tendrils of magic crawling towards him, turning his vision red around the edges as everything else faded away into darkness.

 _Everyone was dead. All his friends and family, slain by the very things he tried to stop. “Why didn’t you do more,” Steve taunted, his shield broken besides him. The portal was wide open and the chitauri poured into, it heading towards Earth. One of them stopped before it could pass through the portal and slowly turned towards him, grinning at its easy victory. Tony stumbled backward as it came closer. With arms made of lead he raised his gauntlet, desperately trying to fight back, but as it fired, the chitauri faded into the image of Bucky Barnes. The force of the blast knocked Bucky’s arm off._ _Steve glared at him, his teeth bared in a vicious snarl. He raised his shield, “Why didn’t you do more,” he grinned before slamming it into his helmet. Again and again Steve smashed his shield into his armor. Each time the shield rose it sprayed sparkling red crystals into the air._

Tony struggled to keep his eyes open as the cold stung his face, and memories battered his brain. A cold hand gently caressed his cheek.

“Rest Antonio,” Death whispered in his ear, her icy fingers stroking away the tears. He shivered in her embrace, although her touch felt warmer than the Siberian air. “You will need your strength,” She crooned, planting a kiss on Tony’s forehead. “Rest.” Tony gave up. _After all, who would come for him?_ His eyes grew heavy, and slowly closed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper finds Tony in Siberia. 
> 
> Tony wakes up.
> 
> (I suck at summaries)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all of your support! You encouraged me to keep writing! There definitely will me more!

It has been 3 hours since Tony’s suit had gone offline.

3 hours since Pepper ran out of her board meeting, clutching her phone so tightly, her knuckles shone white.

3 hours since Tony’s private jet had taken off, with a team of doctors, Happy, Vision, and herself heading towards Siberia.

2 hours and 58 minutes since Pepper had called Rhodey, who promised to get to Siberia as fast as he could.

5 seconds since the plane smoothly landed into a small clearing.

Pepper’s nails dug into her clenched fists. The plane shouldn’t have had a smooth landing. She wanted- no, needed the plane to hit the ground hard, so she could feel the pain she deserved. Tony might be dead and it was all her fault. The jet’s doors couldn’t open fast enough. Pepper ran out the door on wobbly legs, taking in the cold, and the stone outcropping that loomed out from the snow. Rhodey landed next to her, War Machine’s eyes glowing a pale red. Rhodey stood still, unmoving, but Pepper knew him well enough to tell that he was analyzing his surroundings, and looking for potential threats. He suddenly turned towards her and raised his faceplate.

“Oh Rhodey,” Pepper sighed, holding her arms open wide. He met her half-way, eyes wide and afraid, fearful for the state of his best friend. They hugged only for a couple of seconds, that was all the time they had before Rhodey flipped his faceplate down, and began moving towards the entrance, guns out, and gauntlets at the ready. Rhodey led the way, his arc reactor’s light slicing a path through the darkness. Pepper followed close behind her heels clicking across the stone floor. With Happy on her left, and Vision hovering on her right, mind stone a glow and ready to fire, Pepper walked into a cylinder shaped room, and screamed.

Everything that followed was a blur. She didn’t remember running, running to Tony, _why was he so cold?_

She doesn’t remember the way his blood, _there was so much blood_ , soaked her brand new heels, and stained them scarlet.

She doesn’t remember checking his pulse, _there was barely a pulse, weak but he’s alive_ , her hands, and dress drowning in Tony’s blood.

She doesn’t remember how Tony looked, pale, and lied shivering upon the ground, Steve’s shield, _how could Steve do this to him?!,_ lying next to him, the white star splattered with red droplets.

She doesn’t remember being pulled away, fighting and screaming like a wild animal, _“NO! I can’t leave him!”_

She doesn’t remember Rhodey and Happy’s arms gently holding her back, as tears spilled from her eyes, “ _Please let me go!”_

She doesn’t remember how the doctors frantically checked him over, _“Quick! We’re losing him!”_

She definitely doesn’t remember breaking free from the arms holding her back and running to Tony’s side, pleading to him to wake up. “ _Please Tony! Please wake up!”_

She can’t remember, won’t remember, refuses to remember how weak Tony looked, his confident smirk wiped from his face.

She did however, watch, _stay silent, don’t let them see your weaknesses,_ how Tony looked weak, his smirk no longer in place, as the doctors move his body to the jet, an IV already in place as the doctors tended to him.

She watches, _please wake up_ , when the doctors touch his chest, and he screamed, a never ending sound full of paint and sorrow mixed into one guttural sound. She waited for the man she no longer loves like she used to, to wake up. She waited for one of her best friends, no a part of her family to wake up, so they can be whole again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tony’s mind was one big tumbling mess or darkness and light. Life and death met each other in perfect balance. There was no end or beginning, simply now. Throughout all of the pain, and bliss Tony wondered if he was dead.

Oh how he wanted to be dead. To never have to deal with all the heartbreak and betrayal life had thrown at him, again and again, and again. His heart was a bleeding mess of scars, scars from the people he once cared about. Well, still cared about. And that’s what Tony hated about himself, how he could only hate himself. Obbie had betrayed him, literally ripped his ‘heart’ from his chest, but Tony could only say he deserved it.

Steve, _Oh Steve,_ had captured his heart, with his piercing bluebell eyes, and a soul that was the sun itself, bright and too pure to look at. Some part of Tony warned him not to fall for him, nothing in life was really that good, that pure. Like a moth to a flame, Tony flew closer to Steve and got burned. Tony ignored the warnings and jumped in the deep end, and drowned, choked by a cold, metal hand, and burned by blue eyes.

Throughout his life Tony had been told stories of Steve’s greatness from his father, _Howard,_ “Steve was a better person than you could ever be.” “Steve was my real son, you are **nothing** , compared to him.”

Tony had grown up both hating and loving Captain America. Aunt Peggy told him tales of Steve not only as Captain America, a person Tony could never measure up to, but as Steve Grant Rodgers, a small boy with a big heart. Tony wanted to be just like him, like Steve, not the great Captain America who would always be Howard’s real son.

Sound invaded his muffled thoughts, sending light scattered through the darkness. Crying, that was the first thing hid muddled brain deciphered.

“We can’t save him,” someone spoke.

Someone screamed in response, it echoed around his brain full of pain, sorrow, and loss, clearing away the cobwebs. _Pepper. Is she okay? Why is she screaming? I have, I have to wake up!_ Tony slowly, far too slowly for him, opened his eyes. White. Everything was too white. He shivered even though there was no cold.

_Tony was on the ground. The cold freezing ground. Steve leered at him, Bucky standing behind him. Tony squinted at Steve, his only sunlight in a dark world._

_“He’s my friend,” Steve said._

_And with those words, Tony broke. He had opened himself up, something he only does with his closest friends, his family. Once again the very people he trusted had hurt him, ripping his soul to shreds and letting him bleed to death._

_“So was I,” Tony whispered._

Tony pulled himself out of the cold. It was still too white, too cold but his family was there, protecting him even if they didn’t know he was awake yet.

“Please!” Pepper cried, Rhodey and Happy crying along sider her. “There has to be something you can do!”

“I’m so sorry,” the doctor said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “We’ve checked everything, there is nothing we can do!” The doctor left the room, quickly, probably not wanting to be on the receiving end of one of Pepper’s glares.

Tony knew there was one thing they could use, one thing that the doctors wouldn’t know about. Pepper knew it too, he could tell by the look in her eyes, but she was too scared of the consequences. Dying didn’t faze him anymore. Tony wouldn’t mind dying. After all, he didn’t have anything else to lose.

“Pepper,” Tony croaked his voice hoarse from misuse. 

“Tony,” Rhodey breathed in relief.

“Extremis, please, you have to give me Extremis,” Tony begged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for all the feels!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfic. I'd appreciate any feedback. Please let me know if you think I should continue.


End file.
